10 Things - 09/18/09

Mood: Apathetic
Listening to: No Use for a Name

1 - There should be a reason to get out of bed in the morning, good or bad in my opinion. Whether it's going somewhere, seeing an old friend, making progress on a major project at work, facing the music on something you screwed up, telling yourself that today is the day you ask out that girl you've been eyeing...whatever it might be, life shouldn't be the same thing over and over. When it's not only the days but the weeks that start to blend together, that's when you should get worried.

I wouldn't say I'm worried...yet. I guess that would invoke some kind of emotion, something I lack lately. No, lately things just keep repeating, the same thing every day, the same thing every weekend. Maybe I care that I'm slowly realizing that I don't care about much in my life right now.

2 - Being scared of success has been on my mind today. My dad and I talked about it last week when discussing Ben's football team. He's on a staff with coaches that, even though their team completely sucks, are hesitant to try anything different. They won't change up the personnel, they won't try new plays or formations. You have to ask yourself that if you're gonna lose huge by doing the same things you've always done, where is the harm in trying something new?

Today I hosted an email marketing meeting. It actually got heated when people defended their positions on a number of matters. I like that. It sparks debate, ideas are floated and people seem more apt to say how they really feel. Ideas bring about change. Change is good.

Now I think about my own life. Time and time again I'm given the choice of status-quo or radical change. Time and time again I choose to keep things the way they are. It isn't that I'm particularly satisfied with my life. Maybe it's because if I change and it doesn't work out I'll feel like this right here is as good as my life will get and that's sort of depressing. But I know that there are ways I could be infinitely happier and I can't seem to bring myself to go after that.

Then again, when I look back on the times I've been truly happy or something has gone well for me, it took (what seemed to me at the time) a good amount of risk, some work and some initiative. In the end maybe there wasn't any risk at all. It just meant changing my approach or thought process or my modus operandi. I'd say 9 out of 10 times I've been happy I stepped out onto the ledge. I think it's time to do so again...I'm just not sure for what.

But something needs to change.

3 - For some reason the high point of my week seems to come when I either

a) finish cleaning the place to the point where it's spotless
b) right after I hit my drive on hole number one if I'm golfing alone. Golfing with someone else doesn't seem to bring the same kind of peace of mind. I like being alone on the course, iPhone on and the earbuds in, just walking my way up the fairway as the sun is starting to go down in the evening.

So cleaning and golf. The only two things I look forward to anymore.

4 - My mom is pissed at me. My cousin and a best friend as a kid got married in Cancun a couple months ago. Now he's having another ceremony and party up here at his folks' place in Minnesota. My mom wanted a picture of me, him and my other cousin Sara. It's a big deal for her because we've been taking the same pic of us at different stages of our lives for years. Graduations, weddings, other special occasions.

I will not be attending.

For one, it would have required me to take the afternoon off and I don't have a lot of PTO left. Second, I love my family but all those people would be too much to handle. I'm not in a party and social state of mind right now. Lastly, I don't want to be reminded that I'm the oldest of us three and I'm the only one not married. Not only that, I'm no where fucking close to getting married. It's not a huge deal unless it's right there in my face.

I think had I told my mom she would have understood. Instead I made up some bullshit excuse related with work and now she's mad at me.

5 - The general incompetence of Milwaukee Bucks' GM John Hammond is absolutely astounding.

In the NBA, you have to be either really good or really bad. There is no where in-between if your franchise is to have some kind of direction. The best teams, the contenders, have superstar talent. That talent is always acquired with a high draft pick because the prior year that team was one of the worst in the league. The Cavaliers were the worst team in the NBA in the early 2000s. They got the #1 overall pick because of it and took LeBron James. The Magic were terrible, got the top pick one year and took Dwight Howard. The Rockets and Hakeem Olajuwan. Bulls and Jordan. Celtics and Bird. Lakers and Magic. Magic and Shaq. Hornets and Paul.

It's how the NBA works. You have to get really bad before you can get really good.

Unfortunately for the Bucks, their GM is content on being a middle of the pack team. He refuses to clear salary, play the young guys, go through a rebuilding season or two and get high draft picks. Despite this being the ONLY way to compete long term (it's been this way for over 30 years), he's fine with paying mid-level talent and shooting for .500 ball.

Someone I know used to say that your above average NBA fan, someone with knowledge of the draft and how contracts work and the basics of team building, could do an NBA GM's job. I would laugh and say he's nuts.

Now I'm 100% in his corner. There isn't a shred of doubt in my mind that I could do Hammond's job. I have no professional experience, I'm simply a fan that knows a lot about the NBA and I know with every fiber of my being I could have the Bucks in a better position than this fucking moron.

6 - I love where this season of Supernatural is heading. Ben and I both agreed that last night's episode was the best in years.

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8 - I'm giving serious thought to getting the car when I'm done with work and driving West. No destination in mind, just driving until I've had enough. I might not stop until I see the Pacific Ocean. It's 1749.4 miles to Seattle, Washington. I could be there by this time tomorrow. Stop along the way to take come pictures. Grab one of the Pacific, turn around and come right back.

It's a coin flip at this point.

9) I'll finish later.