Summers as a kid, cartoons, vodka and Lindsey Vonn

1 - It occurred to me a while back that my generation, the 24-31 year olds, may have been the last to know what it was like to spend their summers outdoors when they were kids.

When we grew up we didn't have computer games. We didn't have cell phones. We didn't have the internet.

Did we have the Nintendo or Genesis or SNES? Sure. But games were different back then. Now days the games you play are these monsters that take weeks to complete, and that's if you're ready to spend two to three hours a day with a controller in your hand. There was certainly no online multi-player and hundreds of thousands of kids around the globe playing the same game at all times of the day. No, the games we grew up on (Mario, Street Fighter, NBA Jam) could be completed in a under an hour. I loved my videogames as a kid, but even I couldn't or wouldn't sit in front of a TV playing a game for more than 45 minutes, and that was once the sun went down.

I used to love my summers as a kid. I remember taking a canoe down the river, docking it at the golf-course and playing 27 holes a day when I was 11 years old. I remember biking around Rice Lake and hitting up the old-school candy and ice cream shop or going to the pool when I was 9 and 10. Home run derbies and driveway basketball every day when was an early teen. Of course there was the little league games every summer and then Prep 13 and Junior Legion and then Legion. Eventually you get a license but that was even more a reason to get out and do things. Camping, renting wave-runners, playing frisbee golf, hitting up Snaps in Appleto....wait, nevermind.

There just wasn't a reason to stay in-doors when it was 70 degrees and sunny.

But technology has changed that. You can get hundreds of channels on cable and DirecTV. No one uses dial-up anymore so you don't have mom's bitching when their kids are tying up the phone line. High speed internet is in every household so kids can hop online and play games or check out Facebook. No kid has to get on a bike to go to a friend's place anymore if he wants to hang out; online gaming and headsets alleviate that issue. And the games these days...my god. People can start playing and not leave a room for 20 hours. It's like a completely different world to get wrapped up in.

To say I'm concerned is an understatement. I'm the oldest on both sides of my family; all my siblings and cousins are younger. I've got family in that 7-15 age range and I'm worried. Some are as sedimentary and socially awkward as any kid I've seen. They have parents who buy them computers and TVs and gaming systems and cell phones and they're as fucking wide as they are tall.

Yea, I'm worried. I talked with a co-worker this week, the one who recommended I check out the documentary that inspired my first thought in #1. He's probably 20 years older than I am but our summers were the same. You didn't spend them indoors, your mom kicked you outside and you played with your pals. Doing so you were interacting with others. Being physically active. Building a base upon which to grow as a person. You didn't understand that when you were 9 or 11 or 13, but when you look back at your childhood and realize all that you did in your free time I think you can appreciate how it helped turn you into the person you are now.

As a 28 year old without kids of my own it's easy to sit here and say that I'm going to be different. That I'm going to raise my kids the way my mom and dad raised me. Spend the nights playing baseball and having a catch and showing them how to garden and hunt and fish and swim. Keep them out of the living room and off the TV and computer. I hope I can do that. But I'm sure it won't be easy when you're competing with the rest of the world for their attention.

2 - Speaking of kids, and this is going to sound bad after the previous entry, but I did get my share of cartoons growing up. If you're my age there's a solid chance you spent your 4:00-6:00 after school watching Duck Tails, Rescue Rangers, Tail Spin and Darkwing Duck. Or when you were just starting to watch TV you caught Fraggel Rock and Care Bears. Animaniacs and Ninja Turtles when you were a little older.

Those shows were the balls.

Well, recently I heard from a married guy with kids who told me how excruciating it was to have to sit with his kid and watch some of the shit on TV now 'days aimed towards children.

Apparently it's brutal so I've come up with a solution. I'm going to get every fucking season of those shows above, the ones I grew up on, and I'll be damned if that's what my kids aren't watching one day. I figure I'll be geeking by seeing shows I loved 30 years ago while knowing they're seeing the same stuff that molded me into the nice, semi-well-adjusted guy I am today (STFU).

Come on. Duck Tales is timeless. Tell me you wouldn't stop and watch ol' Scrooge and the Boys if you happened to catch them on TV right now. Or the original Turtles. The Chipmunk Adventure or an American Tail.

When my kids are four years old they won't know that there's a Disney Channel or the Internet. Plop in a disk of Chip 'n Dale's Rescue Rangers and I'll sit and watch with them as long as they like.

:)

3 - Alright, enough of the kids and cartoons.

Let's talk vodka.

The impetus for the following was something I saw on TV. I'm a Food Network junkie. I don't watch a lot of TV, but I love me some Triple D and Throwdown with Bobby Flay. Then you have Giada and Iron Chef even Rachel Ray and there's a couple hours a week right there.

Alton Brown, however, sort of sucks.

He's the host of Good Eats, a forgettable and outdated show that FN has kept around despite sucking for years. He's also the host of Iron Chef and he mostly annoys.

But a couple weeks ago I was flipping channels and noticed an episode of Good Eats tackling a concoction near and dear to my heart: the Bloody Mary.

I love Bloody Mary's. I love the Bloody Caesar. I even love the Michelada (Mexican version where you substitute vodka for beer).

I was interested to see how this food snob could claim that the current version of the Bloody Mary was a bastardized version and so much worse than the original that came about 70 years ago.

He claimed to have the perfect recipe. I watched him make it. It looks interesting and I'll be giving it a shot in the near future. Credit Alton.

But what really got the wheels spinning was his attack on vodka. Good Eats breaks down food on a scientific level. They explain how food and drink are made and in this case I thought there was some legit application. After-all, vodka has quite the price range.

Brown described the process of making vodka. Where it comes from, how it's made, differences in the methods. He talked distilling. He even talked about the idea that with a water filter and some cheap vodka you could turn your Phillips into Goose.

In the end, though, one message was rather blunt: go cheap. Once it's distilled, it's distilled. Buy the cheap stuff and feel good about it.

But how could this be, I thought. Vodka has been my drink for a decade. Cheap shit, expensive stuff, screwdriver, white russian, bloody, bulldog, gimlet, martini...you name it, I've probably drank it. I've drank vodka mixed with shit you probably wouldn't feed someone you hate.

But never, since I've been drinking, have I been a snob about it. When I was in college I was broke so I bought the cheap stuff. When I got some money or I wanted to impress a girl I went top shelf. Sometime after college (namely when I discovered sports gambling) I decided that I could stand and appreciate straight booze so I started drinking Ketel and Stoli on rocks. And Johnny and J&B...

But one thought never crossed my mind with regards to vodka: how about a taste test?

Vodka is supposed to be a tasteless alcohol. It's distilled to remove impurities but who the hell knows what difference it makes if it's distilled once or four times? In the end it's 80 proof and it gets you drunk.

SO! After seeing Alton Brown's description of vodka I grabbed a friend, bought some small bottles and did what I should have done a decade ago: we conducted a taste-test.

Our samples (and prices for a 1.75):

Karkov - $10-$11
Fleischmann's - $10-$12
Svedka - $19-$24
Stolichnaya - $39-$46
Ketel One - $38-$47

Basically we got two rail, one medium and two top shelf bottles to test. Tasting went like this:

1 - About half a shot of chilled vodka in a glass
2 - Take the drink, give it a swish and swallow
3 - Judge taste, spit effect, need for water, impact on stomach

That's it. We did two rounds.

Round one was staggered based upon preconceived notions on what the vodka would taste like. We divided it up and went from med-low-high quality and back again.

Notes were taken, but I'm only using my observations:

Svedka - Strong. Definitely tastes like a harsh vodka. Moderate spit reflex. Not one I would start with if I were drinking rocks, though it would be possible to down a glass.

Fleischmann's - Subtle for an instant, maybe because of the cold. Then an immediate strong and unpleasant taste. I had to go for the water or something might have come back up.

Solichnaya - Not as strong as the first two. Definitely smoother. There's absolutely a bite, but barely any spit reflex. This one was a belly fire inducer. Not a strong aftertaste but there's a numbing/tingling effect on your mouth. It's close to a potent mouth wash with no taste. I could probably drink a small glass fairly easily.

Karkov - Not as bad as I thought it would be after drinking the Fleischmann's. Slight spits, but not terrible. This one seemed to have a slightly different flavor than the others. Certainly tolerable. Again, like a bitter, flavorless mouthwash. I didn't need to go for the water.

Ketel One - Very slight spits, but nothing to worry about. Not as much belly fire as the Stoli. Able to swish and hold it in the mouth for a few moments to get the taste. Again, like a tasteless, somewhat bitter mouthwash.

First round winner: Ketel One
First round loser: Fleishmann's
Time Elapsed: 25 minutes

Round 2 order was based on how terrible the first round went.

43 minutes in:

Fleischmann's - Not nearly as bad when it was quickly swilled from the mini-bottle. There were some spit I had to swallow, but it wasn't terrible. The belly fire and the aftertaste wasn't here in this shot. There also wasn't strong aftertaste. Surprising.

Svedka - Didn't the get the spit like I did with the Fleischmann's. A little, but nothing you wouldn't expect from drinking straight vodka. This one has got more bite than some of the others. That said, no water chaser needed. I could swill it. Honestly, it was similar to the first round of Stoli and Ketel.

Karkov - Again, the first thing I noticed was a different flavor than the rest. Very tasteless. Little aftertaste. Not much belly fire. I didn't get much of a sensation in my mouth after swilling and downing it. Overall, this vodka has had the least impact.

Stolichnaya - Definitely had an impact. Slight spit. Some belly fire. I absolutely got the impact on my mouth, with it immediately tingling anywhere the vodka hit when I swished it it around. It didn't taste bad, but you could certainly tell you're drinking straight booze.

Ketel One - Slight belly fire. Minimal spit. Smooth as hell. Tingling a bit. This was the last drink of the night, and not surprisingly, it was the easiest.

Overall the amount of booze drank wasn't a lot, maybe four shots over the course of two hours. But the findings of this little taste test revealed one thing:

Go cheap.

Honestly, buy the cheapest vodka you can every time you're looking for a bottle. I went in thinking I was going to be gagging with a swill of the cheap stuff I drank back in college. In reality, it's all pretty close in taste. Is that first drink important? Maybe.

But after that the only reason to go top shelf is to impress a lady-friend. Otherwise, just consider the difference in price.

Even if you think the above is total crap or you're a vodka snob, please, don't waste expensive stuff in a mixer. If you do you're an asshole.

In case you're wondering, the winner of the test was the brand I didn't expect: Karkov.

Seriously.

It's a little subtle. It doesn't have a bite in the mouth and the belly fire isn't really anything noticeable. It's really not a bad tasting vodka (I thought it was comparable to the top shelf versions) and it's a 3rd of the price.

4 - This does, though, lead into an observation I'm sure you've had if you're 25+.



Getting shitty is a bitch.

Two weeks ago we had a happy hour with some coworkers and I ordered a Johnny Walker Black on rocks. Having spent the past two months in The Cities I expected one shot in a small glass with a $9 tag. It ended up being about five shots in a mug and it ran me $3.50.

First thought is how awesome pubs in Wisconsin are. Second thought is, "OH SWEET MOTHER OF FUCK THIS NIGHT WON'T END WELL".

And it didn't. In college, that's a Thursday. You go out, stay up until god knows when, go to class the next day and do it all over again the following two nights.

But the Saturday after the JW Black experience a couple weeks ago? I was wrecked. I didn't leave my apartment or change clothes all weekend. I moved from the bed to the couch to the bed in some sick, horrific cycle. I treated bright lights and solid food like I was a damn vampire. I just wanted to sleep, pound the pain-killers and skim milk.

Last week I was went to the Cities and had a chat with a friend of mine, Nichole. And we talked about it. College. Going out. How different it is only a few short years later. It's easy to tie one on when you're 22. If you want to do the same when you're 28 you can forget that shit.

One bad night and you're ruined.

5 - A friend of mine with an iPhone alerted me to a website and an app called alice.com. It's awesome.

The concept is simple. You log on and select all the products you use at home. Cleaners, detergent, paper towels, candles, coffee, razors, shampoo, softsoap, etc. Alice keeps track of what you have and don't have and lets you know when you're running low. It also lets you know when there's coupons available on already low prices. When you want to re-stock you click a button or two, and with free shipping they send what you want to your door.

Very convenient. With the free iPhone app it's even easier. I've already made one order.

Check it out.

6 - OGTs



Yesterday I was talking with a friend about Lindsey Vonn and I said I thought she was gorgeous. 'Liza said she was cute, not gorgeous. I said Vonn gets a bump because she's a world class athlete. Athletic ability, sense of humor, knowledge of sports. Total weaknesses for me.

Take Jessica Chobot. Great looking girl, no Miranda Kerr. But she's funny, sort of outrageous and a total geek. Gives her a huge bump in hotness.

7 - Google Buzz came out this week. I've used it a couple times. I just installed it on the iPhone. Seems cool. My one concern is privacy. I don't know yet how to control who's seeing what.

I'll give a full review in a couple days.